Choices in the Evening
by AnnFleur
Summary: Set after Daredevil in the Mold 6x13. A choice, too much alcohol, and the repercussions on Booth and Brennan's relationship. Note the rating.
1. Prologue

This story is set after 6x13 'the Daredevil in the Mold'. Re-watching it made me feel like I had to write this outcome. B&B, mad Booth, and a happy ending. Note the rating.

Choices in the Evening.

Prologue.

'Those are my only choices?'

He didn't dare meet her eyes. Those were her choices. And frankly, he didn't care which she took. He was mad.

'Yeah, those are your only choices,' he repeated back to her. Staring in to the bar, not looking at anything in particular, his head was spinning. From the alcohol, from everything that had happened. Hannah, Bones. It was just too much. And now she was sitting next to him, while he was hurting, and she was practically asking for a third chance? A third chance to hurt his battered heart? No. No more.

'Then I'll have a drink,' she said decisively and something inside of him was glad. She was the standard. With her there he might just survive this evening, although a different part of his mind reminded him of the fact that she was a big part of the pain he was feeling. Confusion ruled.

They had another shot, and another. She had another just to get even with him, but he stopped with the shots to dwell in his sadness. He put his face in his hands, covering his eyes, wishing the tears would just go away. He wasn't weak. He just couldn't take any more.

'I don't know how to chit chat,' she said out of the blue. 'I don't think I'm very good at it.'

'What?' he said, meeting her eyes for a second before burying his face back into his hands.

'You said we could have small talk or chit chat. I know what it means, but I don't think I'm any good,' she replied quietly. She felt how frail their relationship was at this moment, and she didn't want to hurt it any more than she had already done, but she needed him to talk. She needed to be reassured he'd be fine because the quiet space between them left too many possibilities. As long as they talked she'd know what to do.

'Just.. Talk about the weather or something, I don't know,' he replied, his voice tired. 'I don't care. Don't chit chat, whatever.'

She regarded him quietly, he really was mad. Hannah had called her earlier, and Brennan had been unnerved by the sadness in the journalist's voice. Hannah had told her what had happened, and how Booth had reacted. 'Seeley is heartbroken,' she had said. 'And disappointed. At us, but mostly at himself, I think.' Temperance had known what to do: he needed her. Even if he didn't know it or even if he didn't want her there, she'd sit with him and help him through this. Because not so long ago she had started all of this, because she had turned him down and that had been the beginning of everything. And the ending, if she wasn't very careful right now.

Suddenly, he spoke. 'You said it yourself, I didn't listen. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. I just.. I have now asked three women to be with me for the rest of my life. And they don't want me. That's insanity for you right there. I'm done.'

She felt tears sting in her eyes. She had said that, and he had persisted. It had been so tempting.

'I never said I don't want you,' she dared to whisper.

'No,' he cut in. 'No, stop it. You don't get to talk. You just have a drink.'

She sat up a little straighter because of his words, they cut into her soul. Had he forgotten everything that had happened between them? Had he forgotten... That she loves him? 'I'm sorry,' she managed to whisper.

She didn't have another drink. He didn't order her one. She paid the bill before he could protest and he didn't want to. She walked out of the bar and he followed her, for which she was glad. A cab stopped for them and they both got in, Brennan giving Booth's address to the driver. She'd see him home first.

As he stumbled towards his front door she paid and asked the driver to wait. Then she followed him to where he was fumbling with his keys. 'I got it, Bones,' he said angrily when she tried to help. She let him do it by himself and once the door was open she realized something. This house looked a little empty.

'Hannah left,' she said matter-of-factly. Seeley dropped his head down. 'I don't want to talk about that. Thanks for getting me home, Bones. You can leave now.' He walked towards the couch and barely made it before he stumbled and fell into the cushions. 'I'll see you tomorrow,' he stated.

'I don't think it's wise for you to be here alone,' she said carefully. The alcohol was clouding her judgment only slightly, but she knew he had drunk a lot more than she had. He shouldn't be alone, especially not in the apartment which had been emptied by the woman he had proposed to only a few hours ago. Had she really had that much stuff here? Brennan hadn't even noticed. Then again, she hadn't been here a lot since Hannah had moved in. Booth's rough voice tore her out of her observations. 'Don't do that,' he said. 'Don't act like we're all right.'

She pursed her lips. 'I know you are mad at me. And I understand. But you can sleep on my couch if you want.' It won't remind you of Hannah, she wanted to add but she knew what his response would be. It would remind him of Bones. And at the moment he didn't know which was worse.

'Just... Just leave me alone, Bones. I'll be fine tomorrow. Right now I'm just really… I'm so angry. I don't understand. Just leave me, ok?' He didn't sound sad, or even angry. He almost sounded empty and that was what made the decision so easy for Brennan. She didn't say anything, just locked the door, took off her coat, got her overnight toiletries out of her bag (she always carried those), and headed for his bathroom. Booth just regarded her.

What was she thinking? Boot was sitting on his couch watching Bones go into his bathroom. He had said no, why was she still here? Why didn't she listen, why did she never listen to anything he had to say? Why was she so damned hard not to love? The alcohol had been too much, he'd taken it too far, and that had been his intention. What hadn't been his intention were all the feelings that were boiling to the surface right now. Anger, fear, desperation, but also different things. Desire. Red hot desire that wouldn't be easy to reign in, and he didn't want to. They didn't deserve it.

Brennan was brushing her hair when she looked in the mirror. Behind her she saw two dark eyes watching her. Dark brown eyes, sad eyes, but alive ones. For a moment she froze, and then her brain figured out what would be happening. In a split second she made the decision. If he wanted to, she'd let him.

His brain had made a decision as well. What the hell. She's here, I need this. He pushed her into the counter, trapping her, his eyes still on hers in the mirror. The gasp that came from her mouth was unexpected for both and she dropped her brush to the floor. Booth roughly turned her around. 'You never said you didn't want me, huh. You said there's nothing wrong with me. How come we're not together then?' he asked. 'How come you always retreat? You know what, don't even tell me. I don't want to know. I just want to feel something.'

She met his eyes and fire met ice, although it was burning ice that he saw in her eyes. She knew damn well what would happen if she let him. And he wasn't sure he'd stop if she tried to stop him now. She didn't, and he pushed her into the wall next to the counter. His lips came down roughly on hers, and she kissed him back, tasting tequila, whiskey, and some other alcoholic beverage on his tongue. She had kissed Seeley Booth three times now, but this one was different. This wasn't Seeley Booth. This was a shell, an angry, mad, empty shell that just needed an outlet. And somehow that was the reason why she was willing to provide it.

His hands roamed her body, under her shirt, kneading her breasts through her bra. He wasn't gentle, and he wasn't careful. Pulling her blazer and blouse off he tore a few of the buttons off, but the fire between them was too much for them to register anything else. She also let her hands wander, he needed to feel, she'd make him feel. Her nails dug into his back, and she had to hold back a moan of his name as his fingers found her nipple. He pushed her hands away from him, pushing them against the wall next to her. She offered him her neck, and he took it greedily biting and kissing down to her breasts. Her bra flew to the floor and she was naked from the waist up where he was still fully clothed.

For a millisecond Booth stopped and looked at her, but before reality sank in for either of them, she pulled him back in and grabbed his belt buckle. 'Don't think,' she advised him between waves of desire.

Her entire body felt like it was scorching. He was hurting her, grazing her with his teeth, grabbing, bruising but she didn't care. He needed this. And maybe, so did she. He turned her around and she had to break the impact with his bathroom wall with her arms. Within moments her pants dropped and she hurried to take her shoes off. He threw his shirt to the floor and she'd opened the front of his pants so he just pushed them out of the way. His fingers made contact with her panties and he tore them off her, yanking them apart, leaving another mark on her hipbone. She leaned against the white tiles, giving herself to him, letting him take what he needed. His fingers sought her private parts and she hissed at the feeling of his fingers entering her. He again wasn't gentle, and it didn't take long for him to push his pants down and enter her from behind.

'Hold on, Booth,' she tried to warn him since it had been a while for her, but she knew the attempt itself was stupid. He wasn't listening. The stinging feeling he created as he entered her didn't take long to disappear though, and actually it only added to her desire for him. 'God,' she moaned loudly.

'Don't talk,' he groaned. 'Don't make it real.'

After that, she decided to be quiet and try to give him what he needed. He pushed into her, in a rhythm at first, but then his hand on her back pushed her forward further so he could enter her deeper. His thrusts became harder, more forceful, and more than once she banged her head into her hand or the wall. His hand on her back was keeping her down, and she felt her legs start to give out.

'Come here,' he said roughly when her knees threatened to buckle, and he pulled out of her before moving to the bed. Pulling her down under him he watched her body, her legs, her breasts as he entered her again. She spread her legs as wide as she could, arching her back for him. One of his hands came to fondle her breast, a little softer than before, and she could feel he was close. 'It's ok, Booth,' she whispered to him. 'You can let go.' She knew this was about him, and even though she was aroused, she wouldn't climax this time because he just wasn't present. He was so angry, so mad with the world and with her that he barely registered her presence. She however knew exactly what was happening, and she offered her body for him to take. And take her he did. After another few deep, hard thrusts the moan started deep in his belly. Her hands came around his back and she could feel the rumble move up through his ribcage. 'Ooh,' he groaned. Then, incoherent sounds came from him and with a loud moan and one more deep, forceful thrust he emptied himself deep within her.

She lay still as he came down from his orgasm, not knowing what to do next. They were both drunk, she a little less than he, and this had been a bad idea from the start. So when he rolled down from her and settled under the blankets, shedding the last remains of his clothing and facing away from her in his bed, she stood, gathered her clothing and retreated to the couch. She still wasn't going to leave him tonight.

He fell asleep almost immediately. She didn't, and even though his words and actions hadn't been ones of love she had never felt more connected to Seeley Booth. She felt like she knew him completely now. She'd seen him at his absolute worst, and still, she had enjoyed it. The only thing she was scared of was how he would react once the alcohol and the anger wore off. She had told him once that he would never wake up in the morning, look at her and have regrets. Now, she wasn't so sure. However she wasn't about to leave him.

The driver that had been waiting in front of Booth's apartment had decided to leave after half an hour of waiting. What had happened behind those doors, he didn't know. What he had known was that a man who had had is heart broken had been brought home by a woman, possibly the woman who broke his heart. However in the woman's eyes he had seen so much love, more than he had ever seen before. So therefore he knew, just by having seen her eyes, that the man and woman would be fine. Because everything happens eventually.

Lying on Booth's couch Brennan went over everything that had happened in the past few months. Before she had gone to Maluku he had offered his heart to her and she had rejected it. Why? Because she was afraid of what it meant to be in a relationship. Then, the more she thought about it, the possibilities had over whelmed her. Leaving had been the only option. She'd told him she needed one year, and if their relationship still existed after that year she'd be willing to give it a chance. However, she hadn't told him in those words, and he had gone away and fallen in love again, like he had told her he would. She just hadn't thought it would hurt that much.

Observing Booth with Hannah had helped Brennan realize that maybe just being herself would have been enough for him. But it had been too late and she was still trying to adjust to that. However, right now, she wasn't sure what this all had meant if they had just literally screwed it up. Had they? Was there still a 'they'? She didn't know and it gave her a headache to think about it.

When Temperance Brennan finally fell asleep the first rays of light were touching the sky, and in another room, Seeley Booth was waking up to a bursting white light in his head that made him feel like he was going to explode. And then, a realization. 'Oh my God..'


	2. The Morning After

A/N: Chapter 1 was very ooc for both characters, I know. I've always wanted to write a little bit of angry Booth and the repercussions for their relationship. So it'll be interesting to see how I manage, if I manage at all, to get them back to the way they are supposed to be.

Choices in the Evening

Chapter 2: The Morning After.

 _When Temperance Brennan finally fell asleep the first rays of light were touching the sky, and in another room, Seeley Booth was waking up to a bursting white light in his head that made him feel like he was going to explode. And then, a realization. 'Oh my God..'_

Booth woke up to a strange feeling. It was too much. There was too much emotion in his brain to make sense of any of it, and the fact that he was still drunk didn't help. His head felt heavy, his body spent. Hannah would say he was getting old. _Hannah..._ Remembering what had happened the previous evening, his proposal... He realized how stupid he had been. He had known even before he asked what her answer would be. Why did it still hurt so damned much? Why had it hurt so much that he had resorted to drinking way too much? 'Copious amounts of alcoholic beverages,' as Bones would probably put it. _Bones…_ 'Oh Jesus,' he whispered. 'Bones…' Suddenly he had faint memories of last night. Was it memories? Or was it just images his mind was creating, a mixture of real events and emotions? No, definitely memories. He could feel it in his entire body. Something had happened, something which wasn't supposed to have happened. It should never have happened, not in this way… He wanted to disappear, needed to disappear from the face of this earth right now. How could he face her? He had to apologize, but how could his words ever be enough? He had done something which in his own book was completely unforgivable. 'Fuck,' he whispered to himself, tears in his eyes.

He had broken her trust. He had thrown it on the floor and crushed it after years and years of convincing her of how good a man he was. Slowly but surely he had helped her break down the walls she had built around her heart, and little by little her trust in him and in herself, but also in love, had grown. He had made sure that she knew she could count on him, for anything, and then first he had left her and come back with a girlfriend, and now he had done the very worst thing he could have done. Until last night he hadn't realized how much he had missed Bones when he was with Hannah, but after last night he would probably never see either of those women again. 'Well done, Seeley,' he muttered to himself.

Moving hurt. Turning around in bed hurt, opening his eyes hurt. Thinking hurt. But most of all, his heart was in pain. So many thoughts were racing through his head. Had Bones been mad yesterday? Had she fought him? Had he hurt her? Was she ok? Should he call her? Of course she would be mad. Hell, he was furious at himself. He picked up his phone which had miraculously ended up near his bed, probably having fallen out of his pocket, but the battery was dead. Calling her would be a bad idea anyway, he decided. Coffee, he needed coffee. Maybe then he'd be able to at least form a coherent thought. He had had breakup sex with Bones after breaking up with Hannah.

As he walked into the living room he left the lights off, his headache making any light unbearable. When he turned towards the kitchen he stopped dead in his tracks. A woman was curled up on his sofa, her arms wrapped around her and his blanket pulled to her chest. She was still there. She was on his couch, and she was asleep. 'Shit,' he whispered again, and he turned around. For a moment he was completely confused what to do. He couldn't face her, he didn't know how. He didn't want to.

Turning around he stopped once more to look at her. She looked so innocent, so vulnerable and he hated himself even more in that moment. He had never been more ashamed of his actions, and he couldn't think of a worse thing to do to her. He loved her so much, and for the first time in a long while his feelings for her were completely clear to him. He loved her, that had never changed. He had projected it onto his relationship with Hannah, sure, but for him it had always been Bones. Bones might not have believed in it but he knew: Temperance Brennan was his soul mate. The one he was meant to spend the rest of his life with.

Was. Until he had decided to screw things up.

He sighed and dropped his head. Going back to his bedroom he collected some stuff and somehow made it to and out of the door without waking the sleeping form on his couch. He needed to leave before she woke up, he needed to think. So even though the sun was barely up and the day hadn't begun, he left his house and took a cab to the one place he knew would help him. He went to the one person who had it all figured out so long ago, the man who he had started to see as a real friend even for all the unwanted advice.

Lance Sweets opened the door and found Seeley Booth on his doorstep. Looking like crap. 'Hey, man. What are you doing here?' he asked.

'I just... I need to talk,' Booth answered in a heavy voice. 'Or maybe I just need to not be home right now. Can you let me in?' Sweets nodded. 'Yeah, of course. Come in, what do you mean you can't be home right now?'

'I did a bad thing, Sweets,' Booth managed to get out while dropping his bag on the floor and making it to the couch that was in the middle of the room. Falling down onto the couch he hid his face in his hands. 'A really, really bad thing.' Sweets sat down next to him. 'Ok, what is it? Did you propose to Hannah? How did it go?' The young man knew Booth was preparing a proposal, and it had shocked him but it had also put things in perspective. He had told Booth a few nights ago in a drunken state that he feared ending up like him, at a certain age but still single, but he hadn't expected Booth to want to marry Hannah. To Sweets, it just seemed wrong.

'I don't want to talk about it,' Booth started. Then, he reconsidered. 'You know what? I do need to talk about it. Yes. I proposed to Hannah. She... Well, she doesn't want to marry me. That's fine, you know. I get that. But then I go and get drunk, and suddenly Bones is there. It's like... Leave me alone for two seconds, but no, there she is. And she asks me what happens next.'

'Yeah,' Sweets interrupted. 'It's logical for Brennan to want to console you, be there for you as a friend, but she'll need you to tell her what you need. You know she isn't great with emotions.'

Booth nodded. 'Yeah, and I needed her there, but it just hurt so much, so I gave her a choice. Leave and don't see me again or stay and have a drink. And you know, of course she stayed. And we drank. And then it happened,' Booth said, his voice breaking. Sweets could see how much this weighed on Booth and he was totally worried.

'What happened?' Sweets asked. He wasn't an idiot, he knew Booth's true feelings for Brennan ran deep. 'Did you kiss?'

Booth shook his head, squinting at Sweets. 'No, man, we didn't kiss. I mean I think we didn't.'

'Wow, ok, we're talking that much alcohol.'

'Yeah, but look, the thing is… I think I had breakup sex with Bones,' Booth confessed quietly. 'And she let me… I mean I was so angry, but I think she let me…'

Sweets didn't look as shocked as Booth had expected. 'Well obviously she let you, otherwise you wouldn't be talking to me right now,' Sweets said. 'But man, are you serious? Wow, well, that is... Yeah. That's bad.'

'Yeah, gee, thanks man,' Booth said. 'You know what, forget it. I'm leaving. I don't know where I'm going but I'll figure something out,' he said, standing up too fast for his hangover to handle. Overcome with dizziness he was stuck to the spot for a moment.

'Wow wait, you mean... You mean Brennan is still at your place? Did she stay the night? Is this… Is this a good thing?' Sweets was confused for a moment. 'No man, it's not a good thing, I'm not even sure what happened, Sweets. I might have hurt her. She might have asked me to stop and I don't remember. I just don't know what happened. I'm so ashamed, but you know the real problem... I think I realized that she's the one, Sweets.' Booth sat down again, not really wanting to leave anyway.

'Look,' Lance said. 'I can see how you feel. It's… A little stupid, well more than a little. But you know Brennan, she's highly logical. She'll figure this was just a normal reaction to hers and Hannah's rejection of you, you know, an angry at all the women kind of thing. She needs to know that it wasn't like that to you. Her emotions will shut off and her logical mind will tell her that love is just chemicals in the brain, and that it isn't really a thing. You know that. Then, to her it'll just have been a fuck. Her trust in you and your beliefs will break, Booth. History teaches us that men often take a woman to feel manly again, Brennan knows that. And she'll think that's all it was, and she'll try to convince herself that she's ok with that. But I don't know how she'll react to that, man. You two need to talk asap.'

'I just can't,' Booth sighed. 'How can I even face her, I mean come on, what am I, an animal? No wonder everyone retreats first chance they get. I'm turning out to be just like my father, just in a different way. I bet Bones knew all along.'

'If that were true, why did she have sex with you?' Sweets asked. 'If she didn't care about you, why did she come to the bar to see if you were ok? You know she's capable of so much love, do you think she'd waste it on you if she wasn't convinced you were worth it? Hell, I've seen Brennan do irrational things for you, thing's she'd only ever do for you. It's your turn to do the same for her. Tell her how you feel, be honest. Talk to her. Please, man, you have to.'

Booth nodded weakly. 'I know that what you're saying is true, it's just… Man, what if she hates me? I mean, I'd totally understand, but she… I think she's the one I can't live without. I missed her so much when I was gone. I needed something to take my mind off of things… and that lead to all of this, I mean, how stupid am I really?' He almost spat the words, the anger rising again. 'You know what, I wouldn't marry me. Bones is right, marriage is dumb. I'm done.'

He stood for real this time, grabbing his bag off the floor again. 'Look man,' Sweets said. 'I suggest you go home and talk to Brennan. If she's still there. If she isn't you go find her and you make it up to her. You know her logic might actually work in your favor here. She'll rationalize this and that's your only hope.'

Booth nodded, looking the young psychologist in the eye. 'Thanks, Sweets.' Sweets just nodded. 'Go. Be the man she knows you to be, and you'll be fine.'

Back in Booth's apartment, Temperance Brennan awoke to the rays of sunlight burning her eyes. She could feel the repercussions of their alcohol filled night all throughout her body, her arms and legs ached, her stomach hurt, her brain felt like it was trying to get out through her eyes. Then, she noticed where she was. And then, she realized what had happened. 'Booth…' she whispered to the empty room. She didn't feel his presence, and although she was taught not to believe in that she already knew he wasn't home anymore before she had checked his bedroom. Carefully getting up she checked anyway, and an empty, messy bed brought confirmation. She stood for a moment leaning against the doorframe. What did this mean? She knew he would have regrets, and she had a few herself. She regretted asking him for a year. She regretted leaving him, and she regretted playing with his heart. Although she knew it hadn't been a fair question to ask her for a future, she didn't believe in thirty, forty or fifty years. But really, if she looked back on the years she had spent with Booth, she realized now, maybe too late, that it was possible. Or at least, it had been, before last night. He had let go of everything, the anger he must have felt towards her for a while now, the insecurities, the desperation he must have felt. Brennan had always known Booth to have a dark side, although he tried to keep it hidden, she knew and she knew what it was born out of. The young boy who had to protect his brother from their father, that's where the anger had started. It had been boiling and simmering beneath the surface ever since that first time, and it had come out a couple of times since, but never in front of her. Not really, anyway. Until last night. She was convinced she'd seen the worst of him, and she was confused by her own feelings: she would ever let a man do to her what he had done, but she had let him. HIM. Somehow her mind had known that it was something he needed, and maybe it had been something she needed as well.

Standing in the doorframe she realized he hadn't hurt her. Not really anyway. She wasn't sore, she didn't feel any leftover bruises or muscle pains. Walking towards his bathroom she grabbed her bag again to change into day appropriate attire. As she reached the full length mirror in his bathroom she put the bag down again. She regarded herself carefully, examining every part of herself, pulling aside her clothes to check for damage but there was none. He had been careful probably without realizing it. The only thing that was left were her memories of him. Memories she would cherish until the day came that they could make new ones, better ones. Because she knew one thing for certain (as much as someone can know something for certain), that day was going to come. Her own feelings scared her, the fact that he was gone scared her, that he hadn't left a note or told her where he was going was scary for her. Everything was uncertain right now, and Temperance didn't do scary or uncertain when it came to relationships. But she felt like right now she had to, for him. For them.

After getting dressed and leaving his place she headed for her own apartment, needing some time alone to think. As she sat down on the couch, a large cup of coffee in hand, she decided to call him. Her call went to voicemail, and she didn't leave a message. She didn't know what to say to him.

The longer she was by herself, the more Temperance Brennan pondered what had happened. And the more theories her brain came up with, the more she feared for her closeness to Booth. Their friendship and partnership was important to her, and even though she would never admit it to anyone, having lost him to Afghanistan and to Hannah had made Brennan realize that their friendship was the basis of her existence. He had shaped her. He had promised her a lot of things, love, hope, forever. And the longer she thought about last night the clearer it was to her that he had broken everything he had promised her. Of course he had been under the influence of alcohol, but still. It meant something.

Booth caught another cab home as quickly as he could, but he found his house empty. He shouldn't be surprised, of course she'd leave. After what he'd done she probably never wanted to see him again. Still, Sweets' words were clear in his mind when everything else was still clouded, he needed to act fast. He knew she was probably at the lab or at her house, and after calling Angela to check if Bones was in, he decided to drive to her house. Ringing her doorbell he found himself more nervous than he had been proposing to Hannah last night. This was huge, this was Bones. She answered on the third try, and he saw immediately she had been crying.

'Bones…'

It was all he could say, all his brain would come up with.

She regarded him from her hallway, a tiny frown between her brows. Her eyes were clear, but clouded. Her guard was up but it was fragile, as fragile as it had been on the night she told him about her regrets. That night she had broken down, her heart winning over her brain, and he could see that right now that battle was going on in front of him. There was no winner yet. He still had a chance.

Temperance had still been on her couch when her doorbell had shaken her out of her trance. She stood and moved to the door, seeing his silhouette clearly through the blurry glass. She knew she had to open the door for him, she knew she needed to talk. But she wasn't sure who she would find on the other side of that door. Would it be the man she had found in the bar yesterday? Or would he have collected himself enough to be 'old' Booth? She was apprehensive about both options. Angry Booth meant that she had to be strong for both of them and make the decisions. Old Booth would mean she would have to be vulnerable for him, open up, be truthful. Both things she wasn't very good at.

Stepping aside without a word she mentioned for him to come in. She held eye contact with him, bravely, but both their hearts were racing. Booth sighed gratefully and walked in past her, careful not to touch her, God knows what he did to her. Turning, he faced her. Finally his brain decided to form full sentences again. 'Bones, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do.'

She closed the door and turned towards him, looking at the floor for a moment to gather herself before meeting his eyes again. She didn't know either, and he saw it. 'I'm sorry too, Booth,' she whispered. 'I'm sorry for what happened. That Hannah turned you down. That I did.'

He shook his head and raked a hand through his hair. 'That doesn't matter, Bones. What I did… You shouldn't even be talking to me right now.'

'I shouldn't?' she asked, uncertain.

'No, not after what I did. I forced myself… Jesus, I forced you… No, you shouldn't be letting me in. But I'm so sorry, and I swear I've never done it before and I never will again. I know how it sounds, pathetic, and it is, I am… But please, Bones. Let me prove it to you.'

In her mind, she knew he was right and she knew she should say no. But he was forgetting one thing.

'Booth… It was my decision too,' she said softly, averting her eyes to search the room. 'I was less intoxicated than you, and if I had wanted you to stop, you would have had no choice.'

'But I hurt you,' Booth said, his voice rough. 'I must have hurt you. I was so drunk I don't even remember most of it, but I must have,' he repeated. 'I was so angry.'

'A little, yes,' she answered. Meeting his eyes again she wanted him to see the truth. 'You were rough. But I don't break easily.' At least not my body, she thought. Her mind was a different matter, she knew he had broken a few barriers and snapped a few strings in her mind. 'You were hurt and you needed an outlet. It's a logical decision, one that was supported by your anger at the women in your life, me being one of them... I was with you when you didn't want me to be, so it's not hard to see how this could happen. I will admit that I didn't see it coming, and that I would have said no if you had suggested it to me in a different manner, but I see how it could happen. I don't blame you, Booth. And I'm fine, really.' He looked at her, his face one of uncertainty. 'Really,' she added. 'I checked.'

'Bones, what you're saying is ridiculous. You've got to be so mad at me. How can you even look at me? I remember pushing you, shoving you...'

'Booth, I'm really fine,' she said, shifting her weight to stand strong. 'You were more careful than you think.'

He moved towards her to hug her, he was so lucky. She was the most amazing woman in the world, and he'd known it for a long time, but the words coming out of her mouth were words of a forgiveness that he didn't deserve. She knew what he was capable of, but still she was willing to accept what had happened and move forward with him.

However, his moving towards her was unexpected, it caught her off guard and in a moment of vulnerability she recoiled. Taking a step back she put her arms up in a defensive motion before realizing his intentions. But not before him noticing the fear in her eyes.

She saw his instant reaction, the tears in his eyes, and she cursed her well-trained instinct.

'Booth...'

'God… I'm so sorry, Bones,' he said again, tears in his voice, and he turned around instead of hugging her and walked out of the door.


	3. The Coffee Cart

Choices in the Evening

Chapter 3. The Coffee Cart

As the door slammed shut in front of her, Brennan jumped slightly. She felt stunned, unable to move, unable to go after him. Her instincts had protected her from the man who was stronger than her, the man who could have so much power over her, and he was gone. Of course he was, she had said words to him but they had no meaning if she was afraid of him touching her.

Sighing, she felt that she was shaking a little. Trying to calm her nerves Brennan consciously tried to relax, focusing on muscles that felt tense, but it was no use. She was too wound up, too angry at herself and at Booth to unwind. What did he expect? For her to just forget, to let him back in just like that? He had wanted a quick fix for his heartbreak, he had gotten it, and now he wanted… What, exactly? Did he even know? She was confused, and her headache increased by the minute thinking about what had happened. She knew she wasn't afraid of him, she would never be. Always would she trust him to do the right thing. He had just been too overwhelming, there had been too much emotion in the air and she had subconsciously made a rational decision. Now that he was gone, she realized that decision might have cost her the 'easy fix' out of this situation she had hoped to find. Nothing was ever easy with them though, and Bones was not ready to give up on her partner. He was still her partner, that was the choice she had made, and he would have to accept that.

Having relaxed a little, she called him and left a voicemail. 'Booth, it's me. I'm not mad at you. And I'm not scared of you. I just wanted you to know that. I'll never be scared of you, you're a good man and I know that. Call me. Bye.'

It was short, but the truth, and she didn't know what else to say to him. She hoped he would actually call her, but she knew the chances were slim.

Deciding to take a bath she walked towards her bathroom, feeling wobbly on her feet. As she undressed in front of her big mirror she regarded herself, watching her naked body and again memories flooded her mind. They weren't the memories she had hoped to create during her first time with Booth, but she found good in them. The fact that she could still feel his hands on her body, feel his desire, his strength… Secretly it was something she had fantasized about. Like any woman, she had fantasies about the strength he possessed. And the fact that even in his drunken, out of his mind-angry state he had not hurt her one bit made her even more certain: Seeley Booth was a good man and nothing would change that, even if a thousand women broke his heart, he would still be the fool who believed in transcendent, eternal love and devotion. And he would keep on looking for it in her, even if he was rejected over and over again. She had always known that one day she would have to let him in, through the tough gate that was guarding her heart. However, without her knowing it, he had dug his own route around it, making his way to her heart and he had already gotten there. Her heart was his. And last night had done one thing for them: Both of them were never more certain of their feelings. Brennan was ready to stop running. However, on the other side of town, a man was ready to start.

Booth cursed hard as he left her apartment building and headed home. 'Fuck,' he spat, and again. He was so angry, mad at himself, but heartbroken to see Bones' reaction to him. He hadn't realized, he hadn't thought, and he had acted without thinking. It had been a natural, instinctual reaction, he knew that, but that was evidence for him. Evidence that there was something wrong between them. They weren't right anymore and he had broken them. He hated himself, and he had been down that path before, only now he had damaged the single most important thing in his life: His relationship with Bones. When he had met her years ago he had felt an instant connection. And then he had gotten to know her, the most beautiful personality in the most beautiful body, a brain to die for and energy that would keep him going until the end of days. And it had been an abuse of that energy that had brought him to this moment. She had found it a rational, normal decision that he had wanted to fuck her last night. He found it everything but. It had been wrong and he didn't know how to make it right.

Still furious and heartbroken he found his way back up to his apartment and into his living room where he finally let go. Tears filled his eyes as he sat down and leaned his face into his hands. From the corner of his eye he saw her name pop up on his phone which was on the table, but he ignored it. It went to voicemail. How could she call him? Her heart was too big, too accommodating, he had taught her that. Now he had ended up abusing it. He hoped she would be fine, in the end, when this was all over. She deserved so much more than he believed he could give her now. A future with Bones was now out of the question in his mind. And yet that had been what he had been envisioning for a few years now, and he even found himself guilty of thinking about Bones in his house during his relationship with Hannah. That was gone now, and his mind mourned that loss. He felt it sting deep inside, in a place that belonged to her and only to her.

After a while he calmed his brain down a little but his jaw was tense, his body was ready to crawl out of its skin. He decided to run it off, run as fast as he could until he could almost forget what he had done, and what she had said to him. His memories provided him with her sweet voice telling him it was ok, but he wished he could erase those moments from his mind because they only hurt him more. So he collected himself, changed into his running shorts and an old T-shirt and grabbing his phone he left. Running wouldn't fix anything, deep down he knew that. But he needed to do something, anything, to get rid of the tension.

He started running, calmly at first, his hangover impairing him slightly. This wasn't the best state to go running in, but right now it was the only thing he could think of. He decided to head towards the Lincoln Memorial, for some reason that could always clear his mind. There were many places in D.C. that reminded him of who he really was, and why he was that way, but the National Mall area and its surrounding U.S. history had been his anchor for a long time, since long before Bones had come into his life. Now, he felt like he had to go back to those places, the places he had shared late night coffees with her, where she had kissed his hand, where they had laughed and cried. Where they had promised to meet up again after a year of abstinence. Then, the universe had screwed with them, and now he had screwed it up himself. So what better place to come to terms with everything than the place where the seeds had been planted?

Booth knew he was running from his problems, running from her. But he couldn't think of anything else to do, so he increased his pace and decided to let all his frustration out on this run.

Across town, Brennan was sitting in her bathtub, unable to relax and uncertain of the future. She leaned her head back and consciously focused on the muscles that were still tense, trying to relax them one by one, trying to relax at all. Uncertainty wasn't something she was comfortable with, and Booth's actions had definitely brought on some questions for her. What was he thinking? How was he feeling, was he blaming her for anything? Slowly, she started to think that she should have stopped him. She had had the power, and even though she had questioned it last night, she knew he would have stopped if she had asked, even if he didn't think so himself. But she hadn't, and right now she was paying the price for that.

After a while she gave up on the bath, quickly washed herself and turned off the flow of water. Quickly drying herself she decided to call Angela and try to confide in her best friend, maybe Angela had some advice. Brennan didn't necessarily want to talk about what had happened, but she knew that she needed to. The longer she let Booth be alone, the more she let him beat himself up, the less of a chance she had of ever getting their friendship back. Because that was the most important thing, him, his friendship and his love, even if he wouldn't allow a physical relationship. The love was there, she knew it was.

Angela answered on the third ring. 'Brennan, hey, where are you? Booth called.' Brennan swallowed. 'Oh.'

'Yeah, he wanted to know where you were. I said I didn't know, did he get in touch with you? It sounded urgent.'

Brennan sighed. 'Yeah, he did. Ange.. Something happened, and I need to talk about it.'

'Something good? I heard Booth and Hannah broke up. That's a good thing right?' Angela sounded too excited for what Brennan was about to tell her.

'Angela, something bad happened. Well, not bad, but something unexpected. It shouldn't have happened, but it did, and I don't know how to fix it.'

'All right,' Angela answered, more serious now. 'Tell me, or do you want to meet up?'

'No,' Brennan answered. 'I can tell you like this. I went to find Booth after he and Hannah broke up, at the bar. He was drunk. I don't think I've ever seen him that drunk, Angela. And we drank even more before heading home. I didn't want to leave him alone so I decided to stay on the couch, he was so sad… But he… Well, we had sex and now he doesn't want to talk to me, he thinks I'm afraid of him, that it wasn't consensual. But it was and if it hadn't been I would have stopped him—'

Angela interrupted her. 'Whoa. You had sex with Booth? How? What happened? Why would he think it wasn't consensual?'

'Well, he kind of… He was rough. But not too rough, and I let him, I know he needed it. I think I needed it too. But it wasn't meaningful and beautiful like he describes it to me, and now I don't understand his behavior. I understand what happened and I am fine with it, but he seems to be unable to look past what happened.'

'Honey... Booth is not the kind of man who does that. Not anymore, anyway. Maybe a long time ago he was, but I think loving you has changed him. He probably feels terrible for taking advantage of you like that. Have you not talked at all? Did he try to call you?'

'He showed up at my apartment,' Brennan answered sadly. 'Then he tried to hug me after we talked a little but he was too quick, too close and I responded by retreating. I shouldn't have, I didn't want to, but it was instinctual and I couldn't stop him from storming out.'

'Oh my God, that's bad,' Angela answered. 'What did he say? Did he seem okay?'

Booth kept running until he ended up on National Mall, where he definitely wasn't the only man running off frustrations. Deciding to take a break and get a coffee at the coffee cart he headed in that direction, slowing his pace to a walk. His run had not cleared his mind, all he knew was that he had made the biggest mistake of his life, and that he would have to face Bones at some point. He wanted more than anything to get her forgiveness, but he knew he didn't deserve it. First, he needed to figure out why he had lost control like that, what part of his brain had reacted like it had and why, fix that part of himself before he ever even wanted to consider loving her again. Not that he had stopped. Images of her had been flooding his mind for a while now, making concentration an unobtainable goal with flashes of a naked Bones in his bed coming and going before his eyes. He knew he shouldn't fantasize, and he didn't try to, but somehow the taste he had gotten had made his mind and body realize that she was his soul mate even more than before. But she deserved so much more. The debate went on and on in his head, and he ordered a coffee before continuing to walk towards the benches that were situated behind the coffee cart, against a wall.

Then, his heart stopped momentarily as he saw two brunettes sitting on a bench in the distance. One was Angela Montenegro, artist. The other was unmistakably, undoubtedly, definitely Bones. He froze for a second. Then, his body decided to move before his mind gave consent. He walked slowly towards the bench, waiting for one of the women to notice him and decide for him if it was okay to approach. Bones looked over first, and after initial shock, she smiled weakly at him.

The two women had decided to meet somewhere where they could talk face to face, and they had been sitting on the bench for a while talking about how to move on. Bones felt better, calm and assured, where Angela looked shocked and nervous at the man that had joined them carefully. 'Hi Booth, wow, ok, what are you doing here?' she said. 'Stupid question, you're running, obviously. Well, ok, I'll leave the two of you alone then. Bren, call me, ok?' she said addressing her best friend. Brennan nodded. 'Yeah. Thanks, Ange.'

With that, Angela moved off quietly and quickly, dropping her empty coffee cup in the bin before disappearing around a corner. And then, they were alone.

'Look, Bones, I really… I don't think I'm ready to talk about what happened any more. I need time.'

Brennan nodded. 'I feel like I need time too, but not to recover from any of your actions. I need to learn more about my feelings, I think. They are unfamiliar to me, and I don't know if my actions last night benefitted us or not. It wasn't a bad thing, but it wasn't how I thought it was going to be either.'

Booth almost choked on his coffee. 'You thought about it?' She smiled shyly. 'You have too, I think. You have loved me for a while.'

He dropped his head. 'I have. And I'll keep doing that. But I don't see how this could work out. So friendship is all I can offer you, and it's going to have to be enough.'

She nodded. 'For now.'

'Bones..'

'Let's just... give this a chance. I'm willing to give this a shot,' she repeated his words from a year ago. 'I believe in giving us a chance.'

'Bones, right now I'm going to be the one who says I don't know how to change what happened. I don't know how. It should never have happened, I don't recognize the man who did that to you, and I need to change before I can consider becoming close with anyone again. I hurt you, and I should never have done that but it's done.'

Quietly, she put her head on his shoulder. His breath shuddered at the trust she showed in him.

'A year,' she said softly. 'Let's give it a year. Is that a good idea? You can figure out who you are and how to forgive yourself, I can try to learn more about love.'

Tears were in his eyes again but she didn't see them. She just heard his soft voice so close to her ear, although the emotion that was in his eyes was reflected in his voice. 'I do not understand how you keep seeing the good in me. I don't deserve this. But I will take it. Yes, it's a good idea, Bones.'

She smiled to herself. 'Ok. One year, and we meet again. Right here. We'll continue to work together, I'd like to stay friends, see how things go and in a year we move past this.'

Booth nodded. 'Yeah, we can be friends. I love being your friend. And it's safe, like working together.'

She smiled, a little uncertain now. 'Can I ask you something?' she said.

'Yeah, sure,' he answered.

'Can we get take-out at myplace if we're friends?'

His face broke into a fragile but happy smile. 'Yes, yes we can.'

They had some recovering to do, but somehow they would be fine. Because she was stronger than she knew, her heart bigger and more open, and somehow he would find a way to work around his own issues so he could be there for her. Because it was all he had ever wanted, and all he would ever live to do.


	4. No Regrets

Author's Note: I found an unfinished chapter 4 of this story in my documents recently and I decided to pick it up again. This is not a long chapter, but for those of you who stuck with me and are still following this story: Thank you, I'm sorry, and I hope you will give me a chance to redeem myself. R&R! 3

Choices In The Evening

Chapter 4.

No regrets.

Three months into their agreement, they had their first slip-up, the first time that the line they had drawn between them blurred slightly.

It had been ridiculous to set their date in one year, both of them knew that, but each had wanted to give the other time to adjust. Brennan was the first to come to the conclusion that she didn't need or want all that time, but she hadn't dared to tell Booth yet. He, on the other hand, was busy trying to keep himself in check around her, with all his might he was trying to give her time and space to heal. It was helping him to see her slowly go back to her old self, but now that he knew what was waiting for him and that her love was an actual, obtainable goal, he found it difficult to keep the one year promise.

One night after closing a case they found themselves on the same bar stools as the night of Booth's proposal to his former girlfriend. Neither of them noticed but the conversation was unusually tense.

'It's good to see you happy again Booth,' Brennan said after a few shots. 'We closed another case, we still work. And you're happy.'

He nodded, the tequila making him giddy. 'Yeah, I feel good, Bones. Better, at least. I'm glad you're around.'

She smiled. 'I'm happy to be here. Work just wouldn't be the same without you.'

'Aww, you'd still be an amazing scientist without me, Bones,' he countered. 'You're amazing at everything.'

'But I wouldn't be Bones without you,' she said softly. 'I would just be Temperance. And I'd rather be Bones.'

It touched his heart unexpectedly. It might be the alcohol, it might be her presence and her admission or a combination of both but he felt a wave of protectiveness towards her. The feeling wasn't new, he had had it many times before, but this time it seemed to be deeper. It was his duty to always make her feel like she was special. Slowly he leaned towards her, nudging her elbow with his. 'Without you I wouldn't be Booth,' he said. 'And I love that. It's us. It makes this special.'

She nodded. 'I think we're pretty special. Our partnership, I mean. And our relationship is something that is very valuable to me.'

'It's valuable to me too,' he said. 'I wouldn't wanna have it any other way.' He hadn't thought about what he meant by that, it just felt true. 'I'm glad you stayed and had a drink,' he added. It caused them both to revisit memories of that night, and meeting her eyes he knew she had at that point also realized that they were sitting in exactly the same spot. It had been an impossible ultimatum for her, of course she would stay, there just wasn't any other way that was acceptable to her. Having seen him retreat from her with Hannah had been the hardest thing she ever had to witness but it had been necessary for her to come to a conclusion that would have been elusive otherwise: Booth was the thing missing from her life. It wasn't an award, recognition, friends, or even her parents at this point. It was him and the amount of love and trust he had given her. She had just been blind to it up until that one day at the coffee cart. 'You know a year is a long time,' she said softly. 'I don't think we need a year.'

He smiled softly and looked back at his glass. 'We do, Bones. We have to make sure we don't get this wrong. I don't think I can take any more.' The giddiness he had felt was gone, and he turned a little sad. He knew how lucky he had been for her reaction to his actions months ago but he also feared how close he had come to losing everything. She felt the atmosphere change and her hand found its way onto his wrist. 'Booth..'

He looked at her and he saw his own feelings reflected there. She was having trouble staying platonic as well. How could she? Had she forgotten who he had become, how he had taken advantage of her body as if she was some toy? Why on Earth did she still trust and want him? He really didn't know, but he was incredibly glad. 'We have an agreement and we're going to keep to it,' he said again. 'Or at least, I am. I need to be absolutely sure.' 'I don't know how else I can show you that I meant everything I've said,' Brennan said. 'I just don't know how.' He shook his head. 'It's not that, Bones. I know how you feel. I just need to wait, I need to know I can trust myself. You, I trust with my life and you know that. I just don't ever want to treat you like I did.' 'Like I said before, it was a logical, biological reaction,' she answered. 'You have nothing to be ashamed about.'

'I do, and I need you to see that I do,' he said desperately. 'I need you to see how I feel about all this, Bones. You need to understand before we can move on. If we still have that chance.'

'If we don't, then what are we doing here?' she said softly. 'If you think our chance was lost, then why are talking about this?' She looked sad, and he saw tears forming in her eyes. 'Our chance is not lost, Temperance. We've been given so many chances, we'll get another one. And I won't screw it up. I promise.' She smiled through her tears. 'I'm not good at relationships.' He smiled back. 'The fact that you're even considering a relationship with me is so much more than I deserve right now.' The hand that was still on his wrist squeezed him softly before she released him and turned back to her shot. 'So, how many more of these are you going to feed me this time?' He looked at her, a smile still on his lips. How lucky could one be in life to find someone who is so extremely challenging and difficult to reach, but still the most sensitive, amazing and considerate person in the world to you? He wasn't the philosophical type but she made him wonder every time how such a conundrum could exist, and how to navigate it to achieve the perfect result. He had been close to total destruction and he had been saved by her, just her. Was she the answer to her own mystery?

'I think we've had enough,' he said, a headache starting to form at his deep thought process. 'I'm not getting any younger. Let's go, Bones.' He dropped a few bills on the counter for the bartender (who was glad to see his favorite couple back, smiling, touching) and his hand found its place on her lower back. She noticed it of course but decided not to comment, feeling happy that he felt comfortable enough to at least fall back into their old habits. Once they were outside he turned towards her. 'Wanna watch a movie?' He was a bit unsteady on his legs and she chuckled.

'You're a sheet to the wind, Booth, and it's late,' she said. 'I'll go home and go to bed. But thank you. I had a nice time.' 'Three sheets, Bones, he smiled at her. 'I think the expression is three sheets.' She frowned. 'That sounds like a lot.' Then she dropped her eyes to her boots. 'We should do this more often. I have missed our evenings together.'

'You mean you wanna get drunk more often, make up for those two sheets of yours? Did I turn you into an alcoholic as well?' he joked. 'You're not an alcoholic, Booth,' she said softly. 'You are not your father.' 'I've been close enough,' he answered. 'I know you don't see it that way but I still do, Bones. It's the reason we do need that year. I scared myself and I scared you and he is still a part of me, even though I fought it.' She nodded and nudged his arm with hers. 'I know. And I understand even though I disagree. I know you, and you are a good man. You would never hurt me, you didn't. And I know you imagined it to be different, I won't deny that I did as well. But I am getting stronger, and so are you. The center must hold, and it will. Maybe in a year, I'll be strong enough to give you that confidence. And you'll be confident enough to show me what you find to be missing now.' He smiled sweetly at her, alcohol and her words causing him to be a little emotional. He thought he decided to push her boundaries a little, but it wasn't a decision at all. It was the only way this evening was going to end. He reached for her arms, softly grabbing her elbows and pulling her close. She expected a hug, like they had shared before, but he reached down and kissed her softly. He was feeling so much at that moment, so much hope and love for the future that he had to try and show her at least a little bit. His lips were soft and he tasted a little of tequila, but it reminded her of their first kiss. He'd asked her something, intoxicated, aroused, and amused. 'Are you afraid that I'll look at you in the morning and have regrets?' She had answered him no, confidently, because she had been sure she wouldn't disappoint him. She'd never considered him disappointing himself when their time finally came.

That was a long time ago, though. It had been her idea, and she who had put a stop to it later that evening. There had been no regrets and there still weren't, not on her part. They had never been closer than those two nights, but they had also driven them farther apart. It would take them time to adjust. She hadn't known how to change for him, but the last few months had taught her something about Seeley Booth: He didn't know either. She pulled back after a few seconds, not because she wanted to, but because she needed to protect him. From himself, this time. 'You're the one that needs protecting,' she whispered. He smiled sadly and nodded, swallowing against the lump in his throat.

'Nine months, Bones.' She nodded. 'Nine months.'


End file.
